stormy--'s Diaryland Diary

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The Day I used bullet points

2021. A New Year.

Is it only me or was anyone else expecting rainbows and unicorns to appear as soon as the ball dropped at midnight?

Instead it’s just the same day but on a different calendar.

Don’t mind me. If I sound overly downhearted it’s only because I’m tired - emotionally, mentally, and physically, I’m experiencing the crash one tends to have after having a lot of sugar, and… well, aren’t the first two good enough reasons?

A lot has happened since we switched calendars. Here are the bullet points:

• On New Year’s Eve my favorite nosy neighbor Bob had a heart attack. Apparently it’s pretty bad and he’s still in the hospital. I found out on New Year’s Day night when I was dragging my trash out to the curb and another neighbor across the street from me was doing the same. I was worried about Bob’s wife - who has Alzheimer’s - but was reassured that their son was taking care of her.

• When I was out there talking to my neighbor (we both stayed on our own side of the street as we chatted) Joe’s friend (I’ve since learned they’re really not friends) who informed me of what Joe did stopped by. He wanted to check on me, which was nice even though I was still extremely embarrassed by everything. I don’t know. I think he has some residual guilt going on. I can understand that in some ways but really none of it was his fault.

• My good friend is pregnant! She’s going to have a baby and I’m going to be Godmother #1. My sister is Godmother #2. That awesome news was only dampened by the fact that she’s moving a few states away in a few weeks. Her husband (but they’re technically not married) is already there and she’s stayed behind to get everything settled here. And I hate it that she and my God baby are moving so far away. I mean, I understand that they have to do what’s best for their family. But still, 😢

• I’ve been working a lot. Pretty much all of my waking hours have been focused on work. Which is good, I think. Maybe. I feel like if I focus on work then I won’t be able to think about so many other things that I haven’t been wanting to think about.

• Speaking of things I don’t want to think about…. Joe’s been calling and texting me a lot. So much that I turned off my cell phone. Then Sunday night he showed up at my house and wouldn’t stop banging on my door or yelling my name. It was so much that I thought my neighbors were going to call the police. That was the only reason I opened my door. And we had the most infuriating discussion. So some sub-bullet points (I’m starting to feel like I’m back in college creating an outline):

· He said he didn’t mean to hurt me (laughable) but, basically, it was all my fault. I didn’t disclose EVERYTHING about myself when we first started dating, and if he knew … my situation… he wouldn’t have pursued things with me. Okay, let me decode that for you. The fact that I’m financial stable intimidates him. When I asked him why it even mattered he said that he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t need him in that way.

· Also, this year things are going to change for me as far as work goes. I’m taking on more and more responsibilities, I may move closer to the city, and I’m not going to have a lot of free time on my hands. Joe said he likes his life the way it is and doesn’t want it to change. He said I should have told him about the changes in store for me on day one of us dating. Little does he know that I was seriously contemplating giving everything up for him.
· When I asked him why, even if he felt hurt by those two issues, he felt it was okay to do what he did to me, he didn’t give me an answer. He just got extremely angry and started saying some mean and nasty things. Finally I was like, whatever. I only asked two things of him. I wanted to know how many pictures of me he took and I wanted him to delete them all right then and there. But he wouldn’t tell me and he refused. And all I can think about now is the next humiliation that may be in store for me.

Okay, no more bullet points. That is way too many as it is. The sad thing is I could probably add three or four more to this list. I’m just so overwhelmed with everything and I’m starting to feel a little queasy. To be fair, though, I might be feeling a little queasy because the only thing I ate today were a few handfuls some peanut M&Ms. My fridge is bare and I need to do some grocery shopping. If nothing else I need to make a grocery delivery order. Right now I don’t even want to think about food though.

Here's hoping tomorrow I’ll spot a rainbow or a unicorn.

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7:03 p.m. - 2021-01-05

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